Skip to main content

tv   The Daily Show With Jon Stewart  Comedy Central  January 21, 2015 9:23am-9:55am PST

9:23 am
[laughter, cheers, whistles and applause] that's my time ladies and gentlemen. i'm jo koy. ca ptioning made possible by comedy central productions. captioned by mccaptioning services www.mccaption.com announcer: january 20th 2015. from comedy central world news headquarters in new york this. is the "daily show" with jon stewart. [cheers and applause] >> jon: my name is jon stewart. we have a program for you tonight. my guest jennifer lopez will join us to discuss a variety of topics. [cheers and applause]
9:24 am
>> jon: of course obviously tonight was the state of the union address. i won't go over in detail right now. it was all pretty predictable. obama took the stage. did his usual, america bad. america's enemy right. burned a flag, biden mooned, dropped the mic that was it. the real question is who has next. that's the subject. premature elect =stph-fplt ulation. i can't wait to see. very exciting. what fresh new faces 2016 has in store for us. >> mitt romney apparently back onboard after two losing campaigns. >> is mitt romney going to win again in 2016?
9:25 am
[laughing] >> jon: woo, that is the stupidest -- question, yes he's doing again. the once but future not precedent revealed his possible plans to runish last week at the winter meeting of republican party members. >> there is a question whether i'm to embark. let me state unequivocally i have no intention to run for u.s. senator of massachusets. >> jon: boom! you -- you thought he was talking about the presidential election that he lost. he was actually talking about a much smaller senate race that he also lost. see it's funny because he always
9:26 am
loses. [laughing] >> jon: you know what i kid. i kid. he's a very accomplished successful man. whose supporters will stand behind him no matter how many times he loses or how much of their money he waists. >> the romney face tattoo guy says he's not supporting mitt romney in 2016. [cheers and applause] >> jon: i'm going to say something. that's got to stink. i think a sign that your campaign is in trouble is when it can no longer assume the support of people who have engraved your initials on their face. i can only assume face tattoo guy is search out candidates to
9:27 am
support the letter r in their name. i don't know if i'm going with jeb bush. i like this ted c-ruz. there are a lot of people who standed chance to lose an election, new jersey's crist new jersey's chris crist aoefpl. >> new jersey down graded eight times by smp. >> jon: eight times. down graded 8 times. how many times can they down grade you before you bottom out of their scale. new jersey, i'm going to be honest with you. five down grades is the most we have given someone before. we have blown through the letter grades. in our we're giving you this emoji sign. we don't know what else to do. now this means -- so, christie's
9:28 am
state has problems. i assume he used last week's state of the state address that he's not so focused on the national office he has lost sites of people in new jersey. >> people other cross the country are struggling. i heard it in chicago. heard from farmers in kansas and teachers in colorado. from veterans in maine and workers in arkansas. an 12-year-old woman in vero beach, florida. >> jon: did you meet anyone from new jersey? [cheers and applause] >> jon: new jersey. i'm sorry i eurpbt interrupted your travel log. >> an 82-year-old woman in vero
9:29 am
beach, florida. she said what has topped to our country. we use to control events. now events control us. >> jon: i mean i use to be young, now i'm old. hi a grandmother. now i am a grandmother. governor christie how come you talk on a driveway and drive on a parkway. oh balma this election will be such a drag. if only there was someone special out. there a candidate's whose mere consideration of running would fill me with the joy bordering giddieness. >> -- allowing me to look beyond south carolina whether lindsey graham has a viable path. [laughing] >> jon: thank you, jesus.
9:30 am
boys -- ♪ ♪ >> jon: lindsey graham wait wait wait wait. lindsey graham why would you think it's okay for you to run for president? >> i'm definitely going to look at it i think the world is falling apart. i'm more right than wrong when it comes to foreign policy. >> jon: oh, right you're did delusional. hit it boys. ♪ ♪
9:31 am
before earning enough cash back from bank of america to help pay for her kids' ice time. before earning 1% cash back everywhere, every time. and 2% back at the grocery store. even before she got 3% back on gas all with no hoops to jump through. katie used her bankamericard cash rewards credit card to stay warm and toasty during the heat of competition. that's the comfort of rewarding connections. apply online or at a bank of america near you. the lightest or nothing. the smartest or nothing. the quietest or nothing. the sleekest... ...sexiest ...baddest ...safest, ...tightest, ...quickest,
9:32 am
...harshest... or nothing. at mercedes-benz, we do things one way or we don't do them at all. introducing the all-new c-class. see your authorized mercedes-benz dealer for exceptional offers through mercedes-benz financial services. ♪ ♪ it's time to cut the cord with your refrigerator. with new portable coffee-mate 2go. a couple of sqeezes gives you big flavor with no need to refrigerate. new coffee-mate 2go, in the coffee isle. nestle. good food, good life.
9:33 am
>> jon: welcome back. you know, as you know we watch a lot of television. sometimes to please ourselves. sometimes to watch news.
9:34 am
very little that fox has said has ever shocked me as much as i saw last saturday. >> last week own this program a guest found a serious factual error. we deeply regret the errors and apologize. we apologize for the error. [laughing] >> jon: i will be damned. it's the rare foxes contritus of leg i don't know. now you probably wonder what did they sao *eu that was so much wronger than usual that it required a network wide apology. how bad does [beep] have to smell before the order is detected by people living on a mountain of that. >> no go zones off limits to non
9:35 am
muslims. >> you bake basically have zones like birmingham that are totally muslim. where non muslims don't go in. >> jon: wow. birmingham, england, is totally muslim and non muslims don't go in. that must be so inconvenient for the 78% of birmingham residents that are not muslim. obviously i'm not from the uk perhaps the prime minister would like to address th-frpl. >> i checked on the porridge i thought it must be april fools day. >> jon: choked on your porridge. you're british. that's what you're going for -- we can do better. can we crank up the britishness on that clip please. >> when i heard this i dropped my pudding all over the dress.
9:36 am
winston churchill. >> jon: maybe, that sounded right. so maybe no go zones exist but doesn't mean we shouldn't worry here at home. [laughing] >> jon: this report is filed. >> christianity is the dominant religion in our country. did you know it's in serious trouble. not gays, science, liberal hollywood. according to alabama it's shirilaw. >> amendment would prohibit judges and other state officials from basing decisions on foreign law. it's passed. >> it's so eminent three quarters voted for the law. >> i don't believe this competes with christian values. >> i feel christian values are under attack in america.
9:37 am
>> america was founded -- >> what specific of the law is alabama in danger of falling under? >> i think if we're not diligent and stick to our constitutions and law anything can happen. i think the law is about protecting alabama about something that has never been a problem for anyone in alabama or any other part of the united states but it could be. >> better to have it not need it then need it not have it. >> exactly. that sound logic is lost on liberals. like dr. randy. >> think amendment one is frivolous. it was con strived under fear. >> i get it you're coming down here with your northeastern ways. >> i have lived in alabama for 25 years. i supported governor huck bee
9:38 am
when he ran for president. >> you're a christian. >> yes. >> alright christian. jesus christ is the reason for it? >> the season. >> jesus' middle name starts with an h. >> doesn't have a middle name. >> fine you're a christian. he admits this taking over the judicial system is a total real possibility. >> that's just not going to happen unless the country false apart. >> exactly. >> then the amendment would be in place because there wouldn't be a constitution. >> what he is is ing is it could happen it may of already began. >> it's becoming integrated into the society. it's happening in the schools. they don't want us to celebrate christmas. it can happen, people. it can happen. >> look around. we could go from alabama to
9:39 am
aha-bama. everywhere i looked i saw radical islam creeping in. okay that's a korean restaurant, that's santa claus. the point is it can happen, people. it can happen. >> in your town a mosque. >> the alcazar temple. >> the shriners temple. >> islamic shiets shriners. >> no. it's not islam. >> it's similar. >> no. it's a club. >> not this. it's this. it's incompatible with our way of life. >> what they call deviants and crimes can end in stoning. >> ya, stoning. they condone slavery. >> you can't wear clothes of different fabric, can't eat pork or shell fish. it's crazy.
9:40 am
[beep] >> no, that's the bible. >> i think you're talking about the old testament. >> yes the old part of the bible nobody pays attention to. at the en of the day christianity faces a threat in alabama. >> christian laws could be a foreign law. christianity could be adversely affected by this law. >> christianity started in the united states. >> no. >> do americans know this. you know you're absolutely right. christianity is under attack because of people like you voting for laws like this. >> how is this voting of the law attacking christianity. >> it seems that jesus is not from america. he's a foreigner. technically the bible is foreign law. >> that's crazy. >> yes. it's established. new foreign laws.
9:41 am
>> old foreign laws are fine? >> yes. the one exception. >> one exception. >> exactly an established christian nation. a notion our founding fathers supported when they wrote we should absolutely never do that. >> jon: we will be right back
9:42 am
♪ ♪ ♪
9:43 am
abe! get in! punch it! let quicken loans help you save your money. with a mortgage that's engineered to amaze! thanks, g. [cheers and applause]
9:44 am
>> jon: will come back to my show. our guest tonight judge on "american idol," singer actress. new film "the boy next door." >> that was awful like that chick -- sorry the damn was done. >> ya i'm glad i had you next door. >> what? >> god, you're beautiful. you know that. >> no i'm -- >> amazing. >> sweet, natural, sexy. so sexy. >> noah. jon: get out of the house. [laughing] >> jon: welcome back to the program, jennifer lopez. [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause]
9:45 am
>> jon: how are you? >> i'm good. i'm good. >> jon: very fond of you. i feel like you are dressed for a much nicer place than you are at. >> no no. jon: that's right. >> this is all for you. jon: can't be. you're going to a place with a view of the entire city a band perhaps a cello. >> right. jon: perhaps strings and an obo. >> just for you. on: stop it. >> no. jon: this is just a smatza you threw on. >> it took me a little time to pull this one together. to sew it. >> jon: listen i had to clip this on twice. it comes off, to the side, you get an abrasion and move on. how are you doing? you're busy? >> i'm good. jon: are you in the middle of
9:46 am
"american idol." >> yes. idol appeared on the seventh. we have a great season that th * year, i love it. >> jon: let me ask you when are we as a nation going to run out of people who can sing. >> never. jon: how is it possible. >> never it doesn't happen. stkwrofplt it keeps going. >> it's surprising how many people can sing. lots of people can sing. >> jon: i remember the first year of "american idol" i thought this is good. i didn't feel bad about myself. then year ten i'm like am i the only ass hole in america that can not carry a tune. >> it always surprises me every year. now they're 15, 16 16 years old. it's fun. a great show this year. we have amazing kids. >> jon: do you think you had the courage at that age for yourself
9:47 am
to put yourself out in that manner. >> let me tell you. i was blissfully ignorant and fearless. now i'm afraid of everything. back then not afraid. i probably wouldn't of made it through. >> jon: stop it. >> i don't think so. i have the pop voice not the big voice. i love my voice. it's taken me, done good for me. [laughing] but you know some of these singerssingers are amazing. >> jon: yes. this kid. i didn't like the way he looked at you. in the clip. you're pretty, having dinner and then you're up against the wall. i'm like back it up, chachi. >> who knows the chachi refers reference i was in love with chachi. >> jon: this kid in the film. his agent says jennifer lopez is making a movie. you're in it as a love interest.
9:48 am
when does he stop yelling. at what point does he shut the window and calm down. how does he handle it is this. >> you know i had a different actor -- he had to be young. he's suppose to be right out of high school. so we had to read with a lot of actors for the roll. he goes from being the boy next door to kind of a monster in a way. it was a big leap. it's not easy for any actor. he won the roll. he won it we made him come back five, six times. >> jon: in the auditions do you have to do a chemistry test and kiss in the audition? >> >> don: that would be a lost kissing. >> jon: you don't get to do that. >> >> don: you have to get the roll first buddy. >> jon: get the roll first then you get the kiss. have you had a situation where you audition, get it, and then the person who wins the roll is a great actor and a wet fish. >> as a kisser? jon: yes.
9:49 am
>> it happens. i have done over 30 movies. the rare ratio. some good. some not so good. >> jon: no means a gossip program. who is the worst kisser in terms of -- i'm going to start with technique, breath, moves. what would you think? >> i have to say i haven't had anyone with bad breath, which is good. awesome for me. i -- >> jon: can i tell you who i think it is? >> who. jon: i think it's clooney. >> he was okay. [laughing] >> jon: okay. he was alright. >> alright. jon: can i ask you this. can he sing? >> no. not a singer. >> jon: in your face, clooney. boy next door in the theaters friday. jennifer, always nice to see you. >> thank you.
9:50 am
jon: jennifer lopez, we have a breakthrough: new subway grilled chicken strips. they taste better and they are better. premium cut all white meat with no artificial preservatives or flavors. try our new grilled chicken strips in the new monterey chicken melt today. subway. eat fresh. your kids get used to sweaty odors in their room. they think it smells fine, but you smell this... eliminate all the odors you've gone noseblind to with febreze fabric refresher. mmmm...
9:51 am
so you and your guests can breathe happy. ♪ it was the best day ♪ -[ laughing ] -yeah! ♪ it was the best day ♪ ♪ it was the best day ♪ yeah! ♪ it was the best day ♪ ♪ 'cause of you ♪ we make a great pair. -[echoing] great pair. -huh? progressive and the great outdoors! we make a great pair. right. totally. uh, that's what i was thinking. hmm. covering the things that make the outdoors great. now, that's progressive. call or click today. ♪ taxes are your year, only much simpler. intuit turbotax. welcome back to showdown! jerry rice here with 8 year old andrew hunter debating who will win the big race between the tortoise and the hare. what do you think andrew? rabbits are faster. it's not a rabbit, it's a hare.
9:52 am
what's the difference? maybe figure that out before debating the best wide reciever of all time. wait, are you odell beckham jr.? vote on twitter for your chance to win a mercedes-benz big race viewing party. ♪ ♪you better pledge your allegiance♪ ♪you're not the only one♪ ♪listen up forefathers♪ ♪let them have some fun♪ ♪some fun♪ ♪some fun.♪
9:53 am
9:54 am
>> jon: that's our show! stay tuned the "nightly show" is next. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here is your moment of zen. >> hillary clinton's inner circle says they're delighted. one told the evening news i would like tponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org >> larry: tonightly, we are talking cosby, we will answer the question, did he do it? the answer will be yes. he says he's sent protesters say he's guilty. there's a statute of limitations on the charges but there's no statute of limitations on my opinion and i am telling you that mother (bleep) did it. so let's do this! [ cheers and applause captioning sponsored by comedy central

296 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on